A/N Hello my lovely's~! Sorry I've been so busy!Life caught up to me and my computer is being an ass hat again. But I found some time to get something new out. It's an OC story, but I think I could go a little far with this~! Tell me what you guys think!
This was inspired by the song Cancer by: My Chemical Romance. :3
THIS IS YAOI! IF YOU DON'T LIKE, PLEASE PRESS THE BACK BUTTON! Thank you. If you are still reading this, it means you like it. So enjoy~! :3
My body felt like it was crumbling from the inside. Everything hurts. I can't lift my arms without them aching and resisting my will. My stomach churns painfully as more vomit comes up, sloshing around in the bucket they gave me. It was white and clean when they brought it in about ten minutes ago, now stained a dark red almost brimming with the dark fluid. It hurts to breathe. With every in-hail, my chest aches and creaks. Almost every hour it seems they come in, drawing blood, or giving me some medicine that I have to trust to help. I have to go in a plastic bowl if I feel the need to pee. The monitor in the room is a constant reminder of my heart rate. Searching every couple of seconds. IVs ran up my arms, flowing one thing or another into my veins. A Doctor comes in every once in a while to inform me of something new that came up, but says it in a medical way that it a jumble of words that just make my brain hurt.
It's impossible to sleep with them coming in all the time. Changing IVs, feeling me, or the constant beep of the monitor. The only up side is my parents rarely visit. They tell me it's because it's hard for them to see me in this state, but I believe there's an ulterior motive for them not seeing me. If anything my state should inspire them to work hard to help me get through this, but it doesn't. It never would have. I don't matter to them.
If I was strong enough, or even stupid enough, I'd pull these IVs out and pull the heart monitor out and let myself pass away. After all, less pain, it's quicker than wasting away here, and it saves my parent's their lies. They'd be secretly happy if I did that. But I can't and I'm not that low right now. So I'll deal with the agony, the suffering, and the sleeplessness for now.
The people who do visit are other patients like me. They know what I'm going through. Though they probably don't give two cents about some punk slowly dying in room 201. They have their own issues to worry about. They actually have support systems unlike me. They don't need to use up their pity on a useless boy that can barely move without cringing in pain.
I managed to get a little sleep. Not much, but about half an hour or two before they all came flocking. 'Let's change this.' 'Oh, you've almost filled your bucket, haven't you! I'll find you another and get you something for that stomach of yours.' It's time for another IV!' it's different every time. But every time I feel more annoyed than the last. And more exhausted.
It's about now that I miss school. The mindless learning now feels like a distant memory that I wish I could go back to. But thinking of school reminds me of my friend. He's been gone for a month now as I've been in here. He doesn't even know about my situation. And I know he's coming back in a couple of days. Will he visit I wonder? Or will he make an excuse like everyone else. ' Oh, I'm too busy' they say, or ' Right now's a bad time for me, maybe some other time.'?
It's hard now having anyone beside you, supporting you. There when you're puking blood, scared for your life. Or there to reassure you that going into that machine won't mean they'll find more things growing. Or that you'll be fine as long as they're there. That you can sleep knowing you'll wake up and find them sitting next to you, cooing you back to rest.
I had to do that all on my own. I had to be read that I had Lung Cancer. And that it was in an advanced state. And that it had spread to my pancreas and that the survival rate wasn't in my favor. The whole reason I went into the hospital was because of my difficultly breathing. Than all of a sudden they announce that, guess what, I had a hard cancer to treat that caused another cancer that was hard to treat. And both cancers that I had showed not so favorable out comes.
My whole body was still aching. As if someone was hammering on my bones. Relentlessly beating it's ruthless rhythm. I'm glad that I have a somewhat strong will, despite my family's lack of help. Without it, I don't think that I'd last more then a day.
The ever changing nurse walked in, the usual mask like smile on her face. I don't know how they manage to smile while telling someone they have to go through another dose of radiation they they'll probably vomit blood because of again. Because I know that I'd not be able to.
They put in in the machine again, trying to attack my cells again. Making my stomach lining fall apart, again. Causing more of my hair to fall out, again. The same crap, again. I'm almost getting used to it. The abuse that my body is taking, it's becoming the norm. The daily, or once a week, routine.
They brought me out, putting me on a gurney, wheeling me back to room 201. I meekly turned my head in the slightest, catching the uncaring glances of the other cancer treatment people. All with their cancer caps, as I call them, sitting on their force-ably bald heads. It's funny that someone with the same disease as you, can look at you with so little care or emotion. Maybe it was something I said?
Speaking of hair, mine is very close to being gone. I just have a little bit left on my head. My hand groped around for my own cancer cap. It's soft and gray with the words 'CANCER SUCKS' branded on the front. My body calmed when the soft fabric brushed over the last of my dark hair. As I said, it's become normal for me.
The nurse had brought another bucket for me, along with more pills and a tall glass of water. I was once again hooked up to my IVs. She also thought I'd like to watch tv. It buzzed with the recent news, which I'd rather not know. But who ever the nurse didn't take into count I can't reach very far without my joints and bones screaming in shear pain. So I was stuck with the news. After taking my recent dose of pills, I closed my eyes, wanting to scream and cry. It's not fair that it has to be me. Why me? Why did cancer have to be in me? Why does my family not show up? Why does no one care? Those were all things I'd have to answer on my own.
I drifted off in a bothered, barely called sleeping but more like a close of the eyes, sleep.
The sky was littered with clouds, blocking out the sun. Why does it have to be so gloomy when I'm just getting back? After unpacking all of my things, I was just about to go to school, getting my supply's gathered and ready. I wish I could sleep more, but I'll take it if it means seeing my friend Luka. He's probably going to be mad at me for leaving him for so long. But if anything, it was more painful for me!
As I'm walking to school, I'll let you in on a secret. I have an unrequited love for my best friend. That's right. Luka. I don't know why, but it started about five years back now. Suddenly I viewed my life long friend in a different light. I saw how his hair begged to be touched, how his lips seemed always perfect, how he was like my other half. And I found that my friendship now all seemed so twisted.
My world was turning, my mental state unsure. I mean, I thought you had only thought of girls like this at the time. I never told my parents this as I grew up, but found that the things I was thinking were viewed as 'gay'. And being 'gay' was a bad thing. So I had slid into a self hate, hating myself for thinking of my friend in that way.
And even as we grew older and older, he never caught anything I tried telling him. I'm not sure if he was denying it, or was simply a bit dense. But none the less I have, to this day, not breathed a word of my thoughts to the raven haired male. Putting all manliness aside, I haven't told him in fear of rejection. That I'd not have a returned love, or that I'd lose our friendship. An internal battle waging inside of me at the sight of Luka. Trying to debate whether or not I'll tell him. My innocent thoughts of my best friend took a dramatic turn for the worse once we reached near the end of seventh grade. My daydreams of running my hands through his hair turned to kissing Luka. Then to caressing his body. Then to much more dirty thoughts once we were starting high school. My body yearned for his love, his attention. But I never had the guts to act on them. And that's why I'm in eleventh grade and still have no results of my sexual urges.
Teens were all flocking around the school, in groups or couples, talking loudly as I pushed past them gently as to not be a jerk.
By this time class was going to start soon. So I was sitting in home room, waiting to catch a glimpse of Luka, hoping to hold myself back enough to simply hug him hello. But Luka never came in. He's normally present for every class.
" Did you here what happened to that one kid?" People were whispering behind me, and that wasn't out of the ordinary. I usually ignore it, but this time I listened intently.
" No. What happened?"
" You know the black haired kid in here right? I think his name was...er..Luka I think? Well, he went to the doctor and never came back. I over heard a teach saying that he has cancer! Scary right!" I almost choked on my spit. Luka has c-cancer?! Jumping out of my seat I pushed past the teacher coming in, knocking him against the door frame as the bell urged people to get to class. I don't care if I'm unexcused, I need to go see Luka!
I ran down the street, pushing people out of my way, trying my best to hurry. I was gone one month and Luka has cancer! And I wasn't there for him! What kind of friend am I? More importantly, why the hell didn't Luka call me! Or even text me, or something, just tell me that he has cancer?! I would have been there in a second if he did! He could have died on me. Then what would I do? I'd have no friend and no love of my life. I'd be heart broken if I didn't get the chance to tell him how I feel! Screw getting rejected, I'd just want him to know. Even if he pushes me away, I'd want to be there for him.
People stared as I burst through the glass doors of the hospital, scaring everyone. One lady looked like she almost had a heart attack.
" Luka...huh... Johnson!" I huffed, my lungs taking in as much air as they could. The lady had brown hair and wide shock filled brown eyes to match.
" Uh room 201. May I ask who you- Hey sir! I need to know how you know him!" Not listening to the rest, I went off in search for room 201.
It didn't take long.
My eyes snapped open as a person blew open my door, huffing like they just ran five miles then came back here running. The beeps on my heart monitor increased as it pounded at the surprise. There stood Sebastian, red faced and worried. From laying on my bed, I could see the build up of tears in his eyes.
" You...you...why didn't you tell me you had cancer! You didn't think I'd care?! I had to find out at school from a person gossiping, but not from my best friend?! You couldn't call me? You know I would have rushed down here the minute you told me! I can't believe you. You know how worried I was? You might have died on me and then what would I had done Luka?! Didn't you even think on letting me in on this?!" Sebastian was very mad, I could see his color grow ever red. But, I knew he wasn't mad at me more than he was mad at the fact he didn't know. He has a bad habit of blaming himself.
" I didn't think-"
" That's just it! You never think! You never know! Well I'll tell you something. I was so nervous that I'd never get to tell you how I feel. My heart would break if I didn't tell you. And you never thought to call me!" Tears rolled from his cheeks, his hands balled up in tight fists at his sides, like he wanted to hit someone.
" Tell me what?" My monitor was revealing my harshly beating organ that was slamming against my rib cage. Sebastian walked closer, tears still streaming down his face. His hands unclenched, slipping in mine as he leaned down, his warm breath melting with my own.
" That I love you way more than a best friend should." I was surprised that my heart monitor didn't flat line. He brushed his lips on mine, not quite kissing me, but making it clear what he wanted to do. My words jumbled, not making any sense at this point. Our eyes caught and I saw something new in them that had been squelched for so long. " Please don't pull away..." He went in the rest of the way, meeting my lips for a proper kiss. Maybe it was because of my frail look, but the kiss was so soft and careful that it made me want to smile. His eyes widened as I used all my strength to wrap my arms around his neck in a returning embrace.
I'm not stupid. I knew he had strange feelings for being my best friend, but I figured that I'd just been wishing for something I secretly wanted. Sebastian might have thought I didn't see his lustful gazes in class in high school and part of middle school, but I did. He'd sit there and just stare, a glaze over his eyes. If I were to look at him, I'd catch him shifting his eyes as quick as he could. Or his coyness at any physical contact we made. Or his sudden reluctant feeling at my suggestions of sleep overs. I saw all of that.
He pulled away, staring in awe at me. Like he didn't know I'd accept him. I am his best friend, it's a fine line between best friend and boy friend.
" You mean you accept?"
" No, I kissed back and am in agony because of my sore arms for nothing." He helped lower my arms at this, blushing all the while. He took a long look at me, sadness showing clearly.
" You look so frail. I mean just how much weight have you lost? You look so pale too! Aren't they feeding you right?! And look at your eyes! They look all red and yellow with those bags. Haven't you been sleeping?" He listed off all his worries, picking at me like a over-protective mother.
" Yes mother. Now will you please stop picking at me and pull over a seat please? And if anything, shouldn't you still be in school mister?" His face flushed and you could tell that he was very flustered with the whole thing. He found a chair and pulled it over.
" Hey, I had to know you were alright!" He whined, fiddling with the hem of his shirt. I wanted to laugh, but I'm not willing to have a coughing fit with pain racking through me. So I settled with a smile.
" You've always been so protective of me. Always having to know how I am and who I'm with, I might as well call you mom." A glare was sent my way as he continued his pout.
" You know, when I went through confessing to you, I imagined a lot less snip from you and a whole lot more love. Like ' Oh Seb~! I feel the same way! Kiss me please~!'. Yet I get you making fun of me, calling me mom!" I dead paned, giving my ex-friend now boy friend a look. The 'Are you serious?' look. " Hey, I said imagined! I never said realistically. A guy can dream, can't he?"
" And just what have you been dreaming of me mister ' I'm going to stare lustfully at you from across the room, more than likely getting a -' "
" OKAY! I get it! Don't even finish your sentence!" He was once again flustered and red. I know I hit the nail on the head.
" How did you have the time to have thoughts like that, but still get good grades?" Sebastian looked up at me bewildered at my questions about his sexual thoughts of me. "Am I not allowed to wonder?"
" No you're not! Not when it comes to things like that. It's personal." Sebastian muttered, once again picking at the bottom of his shirt, twisting it around his finger.
" It's not personal of I'm the star of your hormone crazed, sexually driven mind." I made a point there, and he knew it. His blond hair stood out even more against his bright face.
" I don't think about you in sexual situations all the time like you're insinuating! I do think about daily life and school life you know!" I've never seen him so flustered that I simply had to fluster him more!
" Why can't you just tell me if you've done me in your dreams or not? Or have you done worse?" His mouth opened and closed like a red faced, blond fish.
" I had no idea that you were such a perv Luka! So what if I did? It's my head! What do you care? So I've had a dream that I did you, that's a normal thing to dream for guys! You should know! Haven't you ever had a wet dream?"
" Okay, I'm sorry Sebby. I just wanted to push your buttons. I won't ask anymore." Relief took over his face, his shoulders slumping to prove this farther.
" Good!" The door opened, scaring us both. Another nurse walked in, surprised that I had a visitor.
" Sorry I'm late, but I got a message that your monitor was going off. Now I know why." Her eyes drifted to Sebastian, giving him a wavering glare. He scratched the back of his head sheepishly.
" S-Sorry Ma'am." She finished up with changing my IVs and giving me more pills. My stomach churned, and I knew what was happening, quickly I leaned over to my bowl, vomiting out more blood, hearing a shocked gasp. " LUKA! Are you okay?! Should I go get the nurse?! Why is it blood?" He looked like he was having a panic attack.
" Calm down. It's normal. All apart of the lovely radiation treatment. And also because I've coughed up blood before." I got through my sentence before I puked again. Seb sat next to me, rubbing circles in my back, whispering loving words to me, helping me calm down.
After it was over, he laid down next to me, wrapping his arms around me, letting his leg lay across mine to make up for the smallness of the bed. And I actually got to sleep longer than normal.
The nurse walked in, doing a double take at the pair laying on the bed with their limbs tangled together. It didn't take long for her to smile and quickly get what she needed done. She couldn't help but think how cute they looked sleeping together.
I woke to Sebastian's arm almost being in my face. I looked over, seeing his
tired sleeping face, before laying back down and moving closer to his warmth. I finally found my support system. That was always there.
A/N Is it okay? I got this all out the same day~! I tried, please let me know if any of my info is wrong, because it could happen. Please review for me~! It helps a lot.